“Joshua has a sense that everyone wants to come to see Goa. He is genuinely sad that many people have never seen the beach their whole life. Experiencing childhood here is a blessing, and as we experience our son’s childhood through him, we are thoroughly gladdened that we chose this as the context for our lives to emerge and flourish. ”
By Rachana Patni
Joshua and his father sat with a book on dinosaurs. On the first page there was a timeline which indicated that first there were water-creatures, then came dinosaurs, and then finally, came human beings. Joshua looked at this timeline, heard the description of it, and immediately asked his father, ‘Papa, what will come after human beings?’
This seems to be a question for his generation. Joshua is nearly 4 years old and he will tell you that there is chemical-x in the sweets and that sugar is bad for you. He will also tell you that good quality food is difficult to find, and we must ensure that it is good quality before we eat it. He will tell you about ‘jc’ (desi) cow milk being better than what comes out of a packet and he will tell you quite a lot about garbage and how it is collected and how it is burnt in our neighbourhood and how that is not a good thing for the air. He will tell you that we have had water shortages and that Chennai ran out of water a few weeks ago. He might even tell you that the sea is now polluted, that there is formalin in fish and that you must look out for glass when walking barefoot on the beach.
This is despite the pleasant surroundings that we have our home in. Mother nature is kind here, in Goa, to every one of its creatures. It is especially brought into focus by the harsh weather systems that exist elsewhere in the world in places that are economic centres. We live across an unnamed lake, an urban beauty that can still pass off as a lake even though before its edges were concretised more birds considered it visit-worthy. Joshua and I spend time looking out and he can regularly spot bahmani kites, kingfishers, and we are fortunate to be able to hear bird songs at all times of the day. We are a few minutes’ walk from the Mandovi River where we sit and watch the river flow, and another few minutes’ walk to the Arabian Sea where he gets to build castles and pools on the beach. He can recognise coconut trees, banana plants and ashokas, and I love to show him rain trees, gulmohar trees and almond trees, mango trees, jackfruit and breadfruit, numerous other floral plants and huge canopies of bougainvillea that we can spot from our window seat. We do this whenever he tries to get me to show him plasma screens for entertainment. As the weather changes, he knows that there are pythons, snakes, squirrels, monitor lizards and a large variety of insects, beautiful butterflies, dragonflies, ladybirds, and even treacherous spiders and scorpions that abound in our urban neighbourhood. There are also squirrels and rats, pigeons and crows - squirrels not considered as much of a nuisance here as they are in other countries. There are blue skies and glorious sunsets and the moon reflecting on the lake is beautiful to behold. When it rains, the lake sprays water upwards as it receives the multitudes of drops and the union is mesmerizing. Most days the sea breeze is intoxicating. And there are people here who have chosen to live in Goa when there have always been reasons to leave Goa to make a living. Many have returned from what could have been extremely lucrative careers overseas, and instead chosen to live richer lives here.
“Joshua is growing up in Goa at a time when Goa is growing to meet the demands of development that are drawn from a particular and peculiar ideology, and if continued unabated, will in time ensure that Goa will grow to not be Goa.”
Joshua is very comfortable with dogs and cats. I was never so relaxed with them. Most of our neighbours live with at least one pet - a cat, a dog, a turtle, or a variety of fish in an aquarium. The children and the pets that reside by the lake are great unifiers. Pets and children are able to authentically strike a connection with casual meetings unlike most adults who can get caught up in appearances and judgements when they meet someone new. As a result, we have a sense of community in this little haven. We no longer necessarily have the traditional balcaos but we have versions of it in almost every house, spaces where neighbours can spend a long time without needing to be offered tea. In fact, the offer of tea quickly dispels them. Lesson learnt!
Joshua is growing up in Goa at a time when Goa is growing to meet the demands of development that are drawn from a particular and peculiar ideology, and if continued unabated, will in time ensure that Goa will grow to not be Goa. The roads are being widened, the trees are being cut, peacocks are being called vermin, coconut trees are being reclassified as ‘not trees’ in order to allow for commercial expansion, political parties are co-opting opposition, dissent is being crushed and yet, this forms the very landscape in which Joshua finds joy. This is important because while all this destruction is on, there is also the creative aspects of being alive that are very much part of the Goan fabric. There are some public buildings that are truly worth celebrating and allow for a humming of life to continue.
Joshua’s favourite public building is the Kala Academy, which is a performance space that has the backdrop of the gorgeous Mandovi river. He loves to go for a walk along the river that can be accessed after you cross the parking lot at the Kala Academy. The Kala Academy was designed by Charles Correa and it is a gift to the people of Panjim. Joshua particularly loves the expanse of white tiles on the ground floor where he has even taken his balance bike once to survey the area. He enjoys the sculptures there, especially the ones that take bike parts and other mechanical parts, and give them a new form. He loves the blue and white floor that covers the first floor at the academy and he has practiced walking there. He also learnt to climb stairs in this building as there are so many different kinds of staircases there, including an outdoor auditorium that was just one big staircase for Joshua. Joshua gushes delightfully when he sees the illusion of the window or the stairs to nowhere, that Mario Miranda and Charles Correa put into the windowless portions of the building to continue to play off the inside/outside that is very much part of what it means to live in Goa. The concrete and the tiles, the painted projected balconies, windows and the playful spaces with Champa trees are truly a way in which Goa may be experienced in a capsule.
This is also true for his other Goan love, Cidade de Goa. Although ‘staycations’ are now the rage, in Goa it is almost a default option. Not only is it the case that flight tickets are prohibitively overpriced at most holidays, there is so much about the vibe of Goa that makes us want to take time off work to explore Goa. Joshua believes that Cidade de Goa is his home away from home. It is again the work of Charles Correa. We do not know who made the brand logo but when Joshua was about two years old, he picked up a watermelon piece and held it up with the green part of the crescent, calling it Cidade de Goa. He loves the Cross that is there by the pool side at Cidade and used to say hello to Father Joseph and Jesus, who are placed in the small altar there. More recently, this has been locked and can no longer be accessed the way it used to be, and this was something Joshua noticed, sadly. There is another Hindu prayer alcove there too, which is dedicated to Naga Devta. He loves to play with the inside/outside spaces at the hotel, and his gumption and untrammeled exploration of the illusions, different levels, play of light and colour in that hotel property is a joy...
Then of course, there is the beach. Joshua has a comfortable relationship with the beach and has seen it in different seasons. He has seen water snakes and jelly-fish, collected sea shells and played with coconut pieces sailing them off as boats in the sea. Sand play is therapeutic but being on the beach is rejuvenating for him in a way that makes his laughter more resounding. He is acutely observant of the myriad activities that are going on at the same time as our beach outing. The beach we visit is one which does not have shacks although it does have many visitors. There are football matches, Ultimate Frisbee games, active fisherfolk, groups of women doing animal inspired movements on the sand. There are also serious walkers, runners, and the bare-footed, alongside the many birds and crabs that he loves to chase around the beach. He knows the smells of the sea, from the salty to the rancid, and also the timings at which the mosquitoes come out.
“Joshua loves the informal ways in which his family and other families make singing a part of their celebrations and get-togethers. He enjoys the mando that his cousins from Salcette sing at family gatherings and sing-songs for the Sao Joao...”
Goa has a thriving classical music culture without the strict snobbery that prevents children from attending concerts. His parents’ optimism that he will stay quiet when needed and a strategic positioning near the side exit pathways in the audience has ensured that Joshua has attended many concerts from when he was just a few months old. He enjoys musical concerts and at one concert, he was the first one to give a joyful squeal at the correct pause between the pieces. Everyone looked at him with surprise, but it had just been spontaneous. One of his favourite concerts has been at this beautiful old chapel on a hill in Old Goa. This is called The Mount and after an uphill drive, there is a short trek up some red laterite pathway that then opens up into this expanse where the sky and the river and the trees and the chapel itself, all look like a beautiful work of art.
Joshua loves the informal ways in which his family and other families make singing a part of their celebrations and get-togethers. He enjoys the mando that his cousins from Salcette sing at family gatherings and sing-songs for the Sao Joao that are sung with bravado and action involving thwacking parts of the trunks of coconut palms. His cousins from Bardez have introduced him to the ghumot, a native drum He has his favourite Konkani songs that he sings whenever he is colouring or getting his blocks to become huge towers that apparently reach outer space. There are two songs that he is particularly fond of: one is called Meera and the other is called Aum Saiba poltoddi vetam. At one hotel brunch, we arrived late, and the musician had begun packing up and Joshua was so disappointed that he requested me to ask the musician to stay. I assured him that he was more likely to listen to his request than to mine. This made him persist with the musician who eventually took out a ukulele and played his favourite tunes to him, all the time enjoying the fact that a little toddler had insisted on him staying on.
Joshua looks forward to the poder, his bicycle and his horn. When he hears it, he dashes out to ask for undo, pav and poie. However, his poder-dash does not compare with the joy he used to feel when he would go with his father to buy fresh pav from an 80-year-old bakery that could no longer survive the cull that precedes the construction of prime real estate in the suburbs of Panjim. He used to love going inside the bakery to see the pav lined up in twenty neat rows of scores of delightfully fresh and puffed up bread. He was familiar with the bakers and would want to shout out the orders to them while waiting with the little crowd of dedicated customers. With his Godfather, Joshua went for a photo shoot to this bakery before it was demolished.
Joshua does still enjoy his echo back to the fish-lady with a long drawn ‘nisteeeeeyyyyyy’. He has spent a fair amount of time studying the different shades of tourists who come to Goa. Very near our home is a guest-house where there is a cycle-vendor who sells shorts, sleeveless tops and hats for women tourists who have never worn these forms of clothing before. He has asked me with wonder why so many people click photographs at the lake after dressing up in the clothes they have just bought. Sometimes the tourists can be loud, or their buses and coaches can be disruptive to our daily rhythms. The Swacch Bharat Abhiyaan has created some ghastly painted walls that take the attention away from the garbage that visitors carelessly dispose in the lake. When it was being painted Joshua witnessed my struggle with the painter and he has also witnessed his father regularly calling the fire station or the police to take care of vagrants who make the residential colony feel seedy. I wonder whether he knows that many residents are worried that land reclamation will mean the lake will be filled up for political gains, or that the zoning rules will change and cause huge changes to the skyline here. I hope it doesn’t stay with him for these anxieties based on nostalgia and the desire to hold on to the beauty we are familiar with, does not need to be felt in the same way by the next generation. This anxiety may not serve to be a productive one.
Joshua has a sense that everyone wants to come to see Goa. He is genuinely sad that many people have never seen the beach their whole life. Experiencing childhood here is a blessing, and as we experience our son’s childhood through him, we are thoroughly gladdened that we chose this as the context for our lives to emerge and flourish. There is an integral part of me that feels at home in Panjim because bizarrely enough it has a children’s park named after Bhagwan Mahavir, the God I grew up with. As a family we visit this park and have a glimpse of the beautiful five-metal statue resplendent in the greenery and the light of Goa, exposed to the elements very much like Mahavir was when he meditated outdoors. A couple of years ago, some miscreants had shaved off the nose of the previous marble statue that was situated there. I did not have a sense of connection with that statue, yet I am not sure why I felt sad when it went away, and Joshua asked me for months why Bhagwan Mahavir was in a giant plastic bag. When the new golden hued statue was placed in the park, it felt like some cosmic order had been restored and Joshua and I went collecting twigs in the garden and came home with enough for a bonfire, except that bonfire weather doesn’t quite arrive in Goa.
The marvelously eerie displays during Narkasur parades and Shigmo parades as well as the Goan Carnaval have taught Joshua how to be comfortable with his dark side. Besides, his father’s initiation to Joshua included naming our cat Darth Vader. The darkness is precious and special for Joshua. He has been asking me why people say the moon comes out at night, when actually the truth is that it’s the sun that goes away at night. He has also mentioned to me that everything, whether we are aware or able to see it or not, casts a shadow. He says that the dark side is more powerful. Joshua recently looked seriously at me as he played one superhero against a super-villain and asked me the question, ‘Mama, is love stronger or anger?’
I gave him my honest answer.
I hope he will continue to experience that in his life.
Rachana Patni successfully defended her PhD thesis ‘Emotions in Organisations’. An alumna of the Tata Institute of Social Sciences, and the London School of Economics, she was also a former programme director at Brunel University, London. Currently based in Goa, she is a leadership consultant who works with high-performing executives to enhance their self-awareness and emotional calibre.